Motherhood: the hardest (and most rewarding) project you will ever lead!

Sit tight, here comes the story:

My kids were too excited to wait until Sunday to give me their school-made gifts, so after school, on Friday, I was showered with handmade presents that filled my heart with love, pride, and deep gratitude for having such caring, empathetic children.

You know those moments when you think, “Maybe I’m doing something right to deserve these amazing kids”?

All the sleepless nights. The messy house. The worry when they’re sick. The guilt after yelling. The pressure of not doing enough. The remorse for missing a field trip because of work. All of it.

But at the moment I received those gifts, those heavy feelings were replaced with something lighter, thankfulness that I made it through, that the sacrifices are starting to pay off, and that I can see my kids thriving.

At the end of the day, how they see us matters more than how we see ourselves. We pressure ourselves to be perfect, but to them, we’re already more than enough.

This story isn’t just about how wonderful my kids are (we all feel that way about ours, don’t we?). It’s about honoring both sides of motherhood: the bright moments when we feel loved, and the darker ones when we feel burned out.

Hopefully, we can keep lifting each other up and collecting more bright moments in this tough, beautiful journey of raising a child. 

Let’s talk about this:

This article is dedicated to all the working moms out there, those working full-time in the home, and those with paid employment outside of it.

Let me start by saying I really don’t appreciate it when people (especially men) ask full-time moms: “So, you don’t work outside the house?”

The reality is, moms are always working, whether inside or outside the home.

I love when my dad says that some men “outsource” raising kids to their wives. He is (unfortunately) so right.

The difference is, full-time moms aren’t financially compensated for the work they do. Yet many of the same skills women use in the workplace: organization, communication, persuasion, saying no, prioritizing tasks and schedules, are essential in parenting too, especially when you’re fully dedicated to your kids.

So please, stop asking if full-time moms “don’t work.”

Let’s lean into curiosity and learn from them, not judge them.

Trust me: they’re likely facing enough internal pressure, constantly wondering whether they did the right thing by putting their careers on hold to raise their children.

Today is Mother's Day, and our social media feeds are filled with “the greatest moms,” beautiful love messages, and thoughtful gifts. But motherhood is not always a romantic story.

We need to be real about it, because only then can we educate and support one another. And hopefully, through more honesty, we’ll see less judgment, less discrimination, and more empathy and care.

For some of us, the challenges of motherhood begin long before we ever see two lines on a pregnancy test.

Difficulty #1: Is it time?

Maybe you’re thriving in your career, but your biological clock is ticking, so you feel pressured to decide if now is the right moment. Or maybe you haven’t found a partner you can imagine raising a child with, and the thought of doing it alone feels overwhelming.

Difficulty #2: Am I able to get pregnant?

The World Health Organization reports that 1 in 6 people globally experience infertility at some point in their lives. That statistic breaks my heart.

I went through three years of infertility treatment before we got our first miracle, but many women don’t get that same chance. These treatments are incredibly difficult, financially, physically, and emotionally. 

Difficulty #3: Do I have the skills to raise a child?

Kids don’t come with a manual (even though there are thousands of books and podcasts that try). None of them truly prepare you for motherhood. It’s through trial and error that we build the skills and confidence to raise good humans.

But here’s the kicker: just when you think you’ve got it figured out, another month goes by and your child surprises you with new behaviors that challenge everything you just learned, forcing you to adapt all over again.

“When a baby is born, so is a mother.”

This popular saying holds so much truth, because neither the baby nor the mother has ever existed before. It beautifully captures the profound transformation a woman goes through the moment she becomes a mom. It’s not just the beginning of a new life, but also the birth of a completely new identity.

But what people don’t talk about enough is this: when the baby is born, a flood of new emotions is born with the mother, on demand. Anxiety. Fear. Guilt.

Our priorities shift overnight. Our identity can feel lost, sometimes for a moment, sometimes for years. And an entirely new level of pressure (both internal and external) sets in.

With a newborn, we pray for more than two hours of uninterrupted sleep. But when it happens, we get up every ten minutes to check if they’re still breathing. That fear kicks in, fear of the unknown. Is this fast breathing normal?

Then comes the anxiety, especially when maternity leave is ending. The thought of handing your fragile baby to daycare, or to someone who isn’t “perfect” like you, can feel overwhelming.

And the guilt?

Oh, the guilt.

I could write an entire book about it. We feel guilty for doing too much or not doing enough, for working too hard or not working at all, for setting too many boundaries or too few. For sending them to daycare too early or for keeping them home too long. For fast food dinners, for lazy weekends, for all the little choices that don’t match the imaginary standard of the “perfect mom.”

You get the gist.

You probably have your own list.

At one point, I truly thought guilt had become my last name. It started to define me.

Then one day, I was talking to my therapist about something I felt guilty about, and she asked me:

“If your best friend were in the exact same situation, would you judge her?”

Without hesitation I said, “Of course not. She does so much. She juggles her career, the house, the kids… why would I judge her?”

That moment hit me.

I didn’t even need to finish my thought to realize: I wasn’t being fair to myself. I wasn’t treating myself with the same compassion I gave others.

That day didn’t magically make the guilt disappear. But it did take away its power. It stopped ruling me.

Motherhood can make us lose ourselves for a while. Our priorities change so quickly, and the wave of new information is constant. That’s why we need to be intentional in rediscovering who we are, piece by piece.

But enough about the hard stuff, because there’s also so much beauty in motherhood.

Despite all the challenges, there are countless moments of love, joy, and meaning that keep us fulfilled and grounded. These are the moments that remind us why we do it all.

When I first thought of writing this post, I wasn’t sure what direction to take. So, I turned to the experts: my kids. I asked them, “If you could build the perfect mom, what qualities would she have?”

Luca’s first response was, “One who lets us do whatever we want.”

But when he saw Lara taking the question seriously, his competitive side kicked in, and he decided to contribute more thoughtfully.

Here’s the list they came up with:

A great mom is…

• Patient

• Kind

• Fair

• Open to letting her child explore

• Empathetic

• A teacher of good behavior

• One who challenges her kids out of their comfort zone 

• Has beautiful hair (Mateo’s playful comment, quickly challenged by Lara: “So a mom who lost her hair to cancer isn’t a good mom?”)

• Thoughtful 

• Responsible

• Grateful for her kids

• Ambitious (Luca added: “She needs to have big goals!”)

• Eager and excited to try new things

• Someone who encourage her kids

• Caring 

• One who fills their days with activities

• Fun

• Inspirational

The list kept growing, and yes, I dared not ask if I checked all the boxes! 😉

We’re so hard on ourselves. With every adjective they named, I’d wonder if I really measured up, and immediately recall moments when I fell short. Then I’d remember Luca’s keychain note on Mother’s Day:

“It’s amazing how you make lunch for three kids and still get to work on time.”

At 7 a.m., I’m often chopping veggies for school lunches while firing off Slack messages or polishing slides for my 8 a.m. meeting. I’ve felt guilty for not personally taking them to school, yet what Luca notices is that I serve them with healthy food and fulfill my responsibilities at work.

We need to see ourselves through their eyes. It helps us appreciate what we do and be kinder to ourselves. Less guilt, more grace.

We will make mistakes. As Philippa Perry writes in “The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read” , good parenting isn’t about perfection. It’s about how we connect emotionally, repair when we make mistakes, and model healthy feelings.

How can we show healthy emotional expression if we fixate on the “bad” emotions motherhood brings: exhaustion, pressure, self-doubt?

How can we connect emotionally if guilt keeps us trapped in past mistakes?

How can we repair relationships if our lives are too hectic to really listen and engage?

I don’t have all the answers. What I do know is this: nothing in the world matters more to me than my kids, and I’m determined to be the best human I can be, for them. 

Love isn’t just words; it’s actions. It starts with self-awareness, understanding where I am emotionally and continually working to grow. That’s how I can truly savor the brightest side of motherhood: the two-way flow of love between us.

And when the road gets rocky, I look to my greatest inspiration: my mom. Her sacrifices for me and my brothers shaped us into caring, kind, empathetic people. Her “go-getter” spirit and positivity are our inheritance, and it’s my hope we pass them on to the generations to come.

When I look at my mom, tireless, devoted, endlessly optimistic, I see the blueprint of a love that never quits. Her sacrifices taught me that motherhood is both a privilege and a powerful force for good. 

In my own journey, I’ve stumbled through sleepless nights, self-doubt, and heartache, but I’ve also felt the overwhelming joy of tiny hands wrapped around mine and the pride in watching my children grow into their best selves. 

To every mom out there: your story, flaws, triumphs, and all, matters. Let my mother’s legacy and my own imperfect path remind you that you are stronger than you know, and that with each loving choice, you’re writing a masterpiece of motherhood that will inspire not only your children but all the women who follow.

Head, Heart and Hands Strategy - A Practical Framework for Everyday Motherhood: 

In the spirit of honoring both our own journeys and the women who came before us, I’d like to share three small but powerful ways to infuse more purpose, connection, and grace into motherhood. This “Head, Heart, and Hands” framework offers a simple guide to help us think, feel, and act with intention.

🤯 Head Strategy: Expand your understanding

Read: “The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read”- book by Phillipa Perry.

This book gently challenges how we were parented, encouraging deeper awareness of the emotional patterns we may unintentionally pass on. It doesn’t offer perfection, but it gives permission to grow and break cycles with love, not shame.

💗 Heart Strategy: Speak to yourself like a friend

Motherhood can be isolating, especially when guilt or self-doubt creeps in. I invite you to treat yourself with the same compassion you’d offer your best friend. Next time you feel overwhelmed, pause and ask: “If someone I loved were feeling this way, what would I say to her?” Then offer that same kindness to yourself. 

🤲 Hands Strategy: Practice presence over perfection

Even the tiniest intentional moments can become anchors of connection. Take five minutes for uninterrupted play. Say yes to the spontaneous dance party. Put your phone away during bedtime snuggles. You don’t need to do it all, you just need to be there, fully, even if briefly. These small acts of presence build trust, joy, and the memories your kids will carry into their own lives.