From Self-doubt to creating a cloud of happiness

Sit tight, here comes the story:

Lila was the queen of getting things done, but only behind the scenes. At work, she kept her ideas to herself, convinced they weren’t “good enough.” At home, she second-guessed everything, from what to make for dinner to how she parented her children. Self-doubt was running the show, and Lila was running on empty.

This relentless self-doubt and overburdening took a toll on her well-being. Her productivity suffered as she became trapped in a cycle of perfectionism and indecision, leading to procrastination and decreased efficiency. The constant pressure she placed on herself affected her self-esteem, causing stress and emotional exhaustion. Over time, this stubborn pursuit of productivity, driven by her inner critic, led to burnout, further diminishing her confidence and overall mental health.

One day, her coworker Jasmin pulled her aside after a meeting. “Why didn’t you share your idea? It was brilliant!” Lila froze. Jasmin’s words agitated her mind all evening. Maybe she wasn’t as invisible as she thought?

Determined to turn things around, Lila made some bold moves: she started bragging to herself. She started writing down her wins, big or small, every day. Turns out, she had way more to celebrate than she realized. Then she started practicing speaking up in small settings. By the time she nailed a killer idea in a big meeting, her team was cheering. The biggest turn point for her was when realized that telling her inner critic to be silent was the most rewarding technique. She got into the habit of asking: is this fear even real? Most of the time, the answer was no.

Fast forward a few months, and Lila was thriving. At work, she was leading a big project with confidence. At home, she finally felt like herself again, relaxed, happy, and present. She still had moments of doubt, but now she knew how to handle them.

Lila learned that believing in herself wasn’t about perfection, it was about showing up, owning her strengths, and trusting she could handle whatever came her way. And guess what? Life was way more fun that way.

Let’s talk about this:

*Disclaimer: This post isn't your typical self-help article. Instead, I invite you on a journey of self-discovery and empowerment by exploring the transformative power of believing in ourselves, a skill essential for living fully, authentically, and feeling truly fulfilled.

The impact of self-doubt on our well-being

Many of us feel confident until we encounter an obstacle. At that moment, our inner critic often becomes loud and paralyzing. As seen in Lila's experience, we all face common struggles where self-doubt and the relentless pursuit of productivity and perfection can lead to burnout, negatively impacting both personal and professional aspects of life.

Reflecting on my own journey, I recall a conversation with my daughter who asked if I was fearless. I wanted her to understand that I experience fear in many situations, but I choose to take action despite uncertainty. 

As I was completing my graduate studies in Brazil, one of my research projects was accepted for presentation at "The Voice Foundation," an annual global forum in Philadelphia, USA. Initially, I intended for my professor to present the paper, as I didn't speak English and didn’t have money to travel to the U.S. However, by the time of the conference, my circumstances had changed dramatically; I had been living in Palo Alto, California, for three months. 

My professor inquired if I would be interested in presenting. The prospect terrified me. My English skills were extremely limited. I couldn't construct a complete sentence without errors. Nevertheless, I chose to embrace the challenge. I dedicated countless hours to rehearsing, with invaluable assistance from my exceptional ESL teacher. 

When the moment arrived, I felt paralyzed. Standing before the audience, my heart raced, and my palms sweated. The fear of stumbling over my words was overwhelming, yet I knew that confronting this anxiety was crucial for my growth. So, I persevered. The feeling I experienced afterward, the moment when the primary author, whose work was the foundation of my research, approached me with positive feedback remains indescribable to this day. It felt as though I was floating on a cloud of happiness. I had done it.

This experience made me realize how much my fear of judgment was holding me back. By not allowing the fear of failure, disappointment, or judgment to hold me back, has been one of the most rewarding aspects of getting more mature (aka, getting older). This attitude has had a significant impact on my personal growth and increased satisfaction in life overall.

The conversation with my daughter and the recollection of my experience at the forum reminded me that fear is a universal emotion. Many of us struggle with it daily, yet it's our response to fear that defines our growth, leading to resilience and fulfillment. By confronting my own fears, I learned that courage isn't the absence of fear but the willingness to act despite it.

Embracing abundance: Overcoming the scarcity mindset

In the early stages of my career, right after college, I struggled with self-doubt. It seemed that I was surrounded by colleagues that had a clear vision and was on a direct path to their goals. My own self-doubt was magnified. Meanwhile, I immersed myself in various extracurricular programs, volunteered, and conducted research, all in an attempt to reconcile the reality that, as a recent graduate, I lacked experience, a gap that, ironically, many of my colleagues shared.

I had developed a habit of listing all the skills I felt were lacking and attempted to fill these gaps by enrolling in additional classes. Then, during a conversation with a mentor, she expressed admiration for my persistence in never giving up. This discussion occurred when I was requesting a scholarship, despite knowing that fluency in English was a primary requirement, a skill I hadn't yet mastered.

From that conversation on, I started to focus on the skills, abilities, and knowledge that I already had. I stopped second-guessing my decisions and proceeded to open my own practice as a Speech Therapist. I also began teaching at a school for Actors and Broadcasters, which not only brought me joy but also enabled me to lead my life and career with purpose.

Looking back, I realize that my journey wasn't just about acquiring new skills but about shifting my mindset. By focusing on my existing strengths and embracing opportunities, I moved from a place of fear to one of empowerment. This shift is something many can relate to, as we all have untapped potential waiting to be recognized.

My struggle with self-doubt is not unique; in fact, many individuals face similar challenges in their personal and professional lives. This common experience underscores the importance of building self-confidence and resilience.

A significant obstacle in building confidence today is the pervasive concept of "scarcity." Brené Brown describes scarcity as a widespread feeling that we never have enough, be it time, money, or abilities, which can destroy our confidence. 

How many of us wake up with the first thought being, "I didn't sleep enough"? We can fill in the blank with: "I am never... enough." I'm sure there are countless things you can add, such as: "I am never good enough," "I am never skinny enough," "I am never successful enough," "I am never confident enough," and the list goes on.

This scarcity mindset leads us to focus on what we lack, rather than recognizing and valuing our strengths and achievements. To build confidence, it's essential to recognize our own worth, accept our imperfections, and stop comparing ourselves to others. This positive shift helps us face challenges with greater confidence and a sense of abundance.

I've also learned that when we connect our belief in ourselves to tangible outcomes, we can collect practical benefits, like making better decisions, seizing opportunities, and overcoming challenges.

Confidence as a skill, rather than a feeling

Confidence can be developed through practice, reflection, and resilience. Confidence is not an innate quality. Self-belief grows when we intentionally work on recognizing our wins and challenging our doubts.

As I was writing this article, my husband returned from a tennis match with our 10-year-old son, Luca. When I asked how practice went, Luca beamed and said, "I won, for a change." While I know my husband, with over 30 years of tennis experience, didn't lose to Luca, he's teaching him more than just the fundamentals of tennis. He's instilling the importance of focus, humility, and a willingness to learn, key components in building confidence as Luca develops his skills. Building confidence in children is a skill that can be nurtured through focused effort and practice, just as it is in adults.

Finally, if we can build confidence and align it with living a life true to our own values and aspirations, we will find more and more fulfillment in life. When we stop waiting for external validation and start believing in our own choices, life becomes less about pleasing others and more about aligning with what truly matters to us.

In conclusion, embracing self-belief and shifting from a scarcity to an abundance mindset are pivotal steps toward personal growth and fulfillment. By confronting our fears and recognizing our inherent strengths, we empower ourselves to navigate life's challenges with confidence and resilience. 

Remember, the journey toward self-discovery and empowerment is ongoing, and each step forward brings us closer to living authentically and fully. So, let's take a page from Lila's story and start celebrating our wins, big or small, and practice speaking up in small settings. Who knows? The next time we face a big challenge, we might just find ourselves floating on a cloud of happiness.

Head, Heart and Hands Strategy: 

In this section, we will present practical examples organized into three strategies: Head Strategy 🤯 (gaining deeper knowledge about a specific topic), Heart Strategy 💗

(fostering empathy and aligning on shared goals to create win-win outcomes), and Hands Strategy 🤲(taking actionable steps to enhance someone else’s experience or improve our own).

🤯The gifts of imperfection by Brene Brown

 

💗As yourself: “What could I achieve if I trust myself as much as I trust others? What would happen if I replaced self-doubt with curiosity?”

🤲You may want to start creating a "brag book" for yourself. Nobody needs to see it. It is just for you. The habit of practicing positive affirmations about yourself can shift your mindset and improve self-esteem.