The power of intentionality in building lasting connection

Sit tight, here comes the story:

When I arrived in the United States, I enrolled in a college class on “interpersonal relationships,” and it profoundly shifted my perspective on life. I vividly remember working in a group setting and finding myself being deeply vulnerable with people I had just met. With my broken English, a thick accent, and emotions spilling over, I opened up about how hard it was to make friends in the U.S. While superficial conversations came easily, especially in California, where everyone seemed so nice and friendly. I struggled to move past that surface level. It felt as though people were guarded, keeping me at arm’s length, and that hurt.

I came to understand the cultural differences and found ways to adapt. Still, I held on tightly to my intentionality in building connections. This journey wasn’t without its awkward moments and challenging feedback, like the time I asked a Russian colleague how her weekend had been, only to be met with, “Why would it matter to you how my weekend was?” Or when an American male colleague kept calling me “softy,” insisting I needed to toughen up with our partners, as if being kind and approachable were a weakness.

Despite these moments, I stayed true to my values and principles. I believe in building meaningful connections, and while the effort has sometimes led to disappointment, frustration, and even tears, it has overwhelmingly brought purpose, fulfillment, and joy to my life.

I often think of a question Simon Sinek posed: “Do you cancel a meeting for a friend or cancel a friend for a meeting?” Inspired by this, I’ve continued to apply intentionality to my relationships, with family, friends, and colleagues. Small acts, like having regular conversations with my parents, setting up coffee dates with friends, or sending a thoughtful note to a coworker celebrating their wins or acknowledging their struggles, have slowly but surely deepened these bonds.

Over time, these relationships have become pillars of strength and joy, enriching my life in ways I couldn’t have imagined when I first stepped into that classroom.

Let’s talk about this:

This journey of trying to connect, though filled with challenges, aligns with what Robert Waldinger’s decades-long research on happiness reveals: that the quality of our relationships plays a critical role in our well-being. Robert Waldinger, a Harvard professor and director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, conducted the longest-running scientific study on happiness, spanning over 80 years. The study reveals that meaningful relationships are the strongest predictors of happiness and overall well-being.

Waldinger explains that while achievements and wealth may offer satisfaction, the quality of personal connections has a profound and lasting impact on mental and physical health. He introduces the concept of "social fitness," which, like physical fitness, requires consistent effort and intentionality to nurture and sustain supportive relationships.

Think about it: who doesn’t feel good after reconnecting with long-time friends, sharing laughter, and reminiscing? How often has a challenging day been brightened by a simple message from a friend? Or the joy sparked by an unexpected “I love you” from your spouse or the tight hug of your child as you help them with something small, like tying their shoes?

These moments remind us of the rewards of meaningful connections. But to reap these benefits, we must invest: time, energy, and intention. Purposeful relationships don’t form by accident; they require consistent effort, thoughtfulness, and authenticity.

If I had to narrow it down to two key practices for cultivating meaningful bonds, I’d say: exercise intentionality and foster vulnerability. Together, they form the foundation for relationships that enrich our lives in immeasurable ways.

Exercising Intentionality

We must take the initiative in forming connections, while also being willing to share our authentic selves. For instance, whenever I welcome a new hire, I encourage them to spend their first few weeks getting to know people. It’s crucial to keep your ears and eyes open, willing to learn about others and the environment around you.

You might be thinking, “I already have so much going on in my life. I can barely take care of my closest relationships, let alone build new ones.” I get it. But here’s the secret: it doesn’t have to feel like an obligation. Once you recognize the benefits of building and maintaining strong relationships, such as happiness, a sense of belonging, a support system, greater life satisfaction, resilience, personal growth, and the opportunity to learn from others, you begin to see it not as a burden, but as something you want to do because it feels good.

With family and friends, I show intentionality by checking in regularly. WhatsApp is my preferred method of communication. I jokingly call it our “podcast”, sharing audio files asynchronously, talking about our daily challenges, asking for advice, or simply letting them know I’ve been thinking of them. I intentionally spread “bubbles of love,” little messages that uplift me, and I’m sure have a positive impact on those who receive them.

At work, I go beyond focusing solely on performance. I make sure to remember who my colleagues are as people, not just in terms of the challenges or successes they’re having at work. I care deeply about ensuring they enjoy their time at work. After all, we spend more time working than doing anything else in life, so why should we endure it feeling miserable? 

As Simon Sinek explains in his book Leaders eat last, strong relationships in organizations are vital for team cohesion and performance. His message resonates with Waldinger’s findings, highlighting the long-term value of emotional connections.

My call to action for those who still prioritize results and process over people is simple: go out, talk to people, listen to them, and be prepared to be amazed by the connections you’ll build.

We’ve seen how intentionality impacts relationships; now let’s explore how vulnerability enhances them even further.

Fostering Vulnerability

In the research conducted by Waldinger, he explores the role relationships play in protecting us against stress, fostering resilience, and providing a sense of purpose and belonging. He also emphasizes the importance of emotional openness and engagement in relationships.

What I take from this is that we need to approach our relationships with vulnerability. It’s in those vulnerable moments that we form real connections. Vulnerability strengthens bonds by building trust and empathy. Some may argue that it's easier to be vulnerable with friends than colleagues, and I’d agree that vulnerability remains somewhat taboo in the workplace. However, being vulnerable at work doesn’t mean you have to cry in a meeting (though it’s okay if you do, depending on the situation) or disclose personal struggles in detail.

For example, sharing an area of personal growth or something you’re currently working on can be a way to show vulnerability. It demonstrates self-awareness and humility, showing that you’re on a journey of improvement. I personally believe in acknowledging my mistakes publicly and taking responsibility, rather than deflecting blame. This builds trust and demonstrates accountability.

But what about expressing emotions at work? Is that acceptable? Sharing moments of frustration, excitement, or gratitude allows your colleagues to see the real you, helping to strengthen relationships. As a leader, I pay careful attention to how I manage my emotions, especially frustration, because my team will often mirror my energy. If my frustration is too high, they’ll pick up on it, and it can be hard to shift that energy. So, I focus on solutions rather than the problem at hand to maintain a balanced atmosphere.

By modeling vulnerability, we foster a psychologically safe environment that promotes openness and mutual trust, which in turn drives stronger collaboration and performance within teams.

Meaningful relationships are not accidental, they are built. Take the time to reach out, listen deeply, and share authentically. In doing so, you will create bonds that not only enrich your life but also positively impact the lives of those around you. By nurturing relationships with intention and vulnerability, we create connections that last.

Head, Heart and Hands Strategy: 

In this section, we will present practical examples organized into three strategies: Head Strategy 🤯 (gaining deeper knowledge about a specific topic), Heart Strategy 💗 (fostering empathy and aligning on shared goals to create win-win outcomes), and Hands Strategy 🤲(taking actionable steps to enhance someone else’s experience or improve our own).

🤯The secret to happiness - Podcast - Simon Sinek and Harvard Professor Robert Waldinger and Leaders eat last  by Simon Sinek.

💗 Start a meaningful conversation with a colleague or express gratitude to someone.

🤲Set aside your devices and make eye contact to show you’re fully present, whether at work or at home. Mary Oliver’s quote, “Attention is the beginning of devotion”, reminds us that true connection starts with focused attention. She suggests that to genuinely engage with something or someone, whether nature, relationships, or spiritual practices, we must first offer our undivided presence. This devotion begins with mindful observation, appreciation, and being fully present in the moment. So, ask yourself: Are you ready to put your phone down and be present with your child, spouse, or co-worker?