Overwhelmed is my last name: saying “no” without feeling guilty

Sit tight, here comes the story:

Lila is a woman who seems to have a superpower—she can take on more responsibilities than any mere mortal. At least, that’s what everyone around her thinks. She is a full-time sales executive, a part-time student, a devoted mother of two, a loving wife, a fitness enthusiast, and a hobby baker. And to top it all off, she is the go-to person for every school bake sale, family event, and friend’s crisis.

One Tuesday morning, Lila’s day started like any other. She woke up at 5:30 AM for her morning run, prepared breakfast for the kids, packed their lunches, and made sure they were ready for school. After dropping them off, she sped back to her home office for work, where a mountain of meetings awaited her. By noon, she’d had four meetings, solved a client crisis, and still managed to squeeze in a quick gym session.

In the afternoon, Lila attended a lecture for her evening class, took notes on a chapter she’d need to study later, and then ran off to pick up her kids from soccer practice. On the way home, her son reminded her that she’d promised his teacher she’d bake cupcakes for the school fundraiser the next day. As soon as she got home, she set the kids up with their homework and began baking.

By the time the cupcakes were in the oven, Lila realized she hadn’t even thought about dinner. So she prepared a quick pasta dish, served it, and listened to her husband talk about his day, all while mentally organizing her to-do list for the next day.

It wasn’t until she was frosting the cupcakes at 10 PM, with flour in her hair and exhaustion setting in, that she finally had a moment to breathe. She looked at the mountain of tasks she had completed and the ones still waiting for her and thought, “Overwhelmed is my last name.”

But instead of feeling defeated, Lila started to laugh. She imagined herself as a superhero with a cape that read “Overwhelmed Woman,” whose superpower was taking on too much. And in that moment, she realized something: even superheroes need a break.

The next morning, Lika did something unheard of in her world—she took a day off. She let her husband take the kids to school, left work on autopilot, and canceled all her evening plans. She spent the day doing things she loved—reading, taking a long walk, and enjoying a peaceful lunch by herself.

When her family came home that evening, they found a much more relaxed and happier Lila. She still loved being busy and involved in everything, but she learned that even superhumans need to recharge. And from that day forward, whenever she started to feel overwhelmed, she remembered to step back, laugh at the absurdity of it all, and give herself permission to take a break.

Let’s talk about this:

Many of us have had days like Lila’s. We have survived, but at what cost? 

We juggle multiple responsibilities and roles in life every day. We often feel overwhelmed by the demands of work, family, social obligations, and personal goals, and sometimes we don’t even realize that this burden leads to stress and burnout.

Women often think we can do it all, and indeed, we can. The key is recognizing that we don’t need to handle everything alone: all the tasks, expectations, responsibilities, and demands. We can be superheroes, but not every day.

Unrealistic cultural narratives and social media put a lot of pressure on women to excel both at work and at home, often causing feelings of overwhelm. We're expected to be perfect in every area—appearance, parenting, career, relationships, and social life. These unrealistic standards set us up for failure and guilt when we can't meet them. Social media makes it worse by constantly showing "perfect" lives, making us feel even more inadequate and overwhelmed.

There is also the responsibility of managing “emotions”. We are typically expected to manage not only our own emotions but also those of others around us. This includes being empathetic, nurturing, and maintaining social harmony, which can be emotionally draining and contribute to feelings of being overwhelmed. 

Gender stereotypes and workplace inequality add to our stress, making it harder to manage everything. I've been fortunate to work in companies where women are respected, but that's not always the case. Even in my experience, when dealing with vendors, I still encounter situations where men are assumed to be the decision-makers, even if I'm the one in charge. These subtle but frustrating experiences add to the mental and emotional load, making it even more overwhelming.

Challenging these expectations is essential to creating a more supportive environment that alleviates the burden on women. Society can create a more supportive environment where women are not burdened by the impossible task of "doing it all."

We hear in podcasts, see on social media, and read in articles about many techniques to feel less overwhelmed and live a more balanced life. They often mention things like prioritizing tasks better, practicing self-care, and seeking support. All of that can help, but honestly, what has really made a difference for me—and I hope it does for you too—is acknowledging and addressing the emotional toll of constantly feeling overwhelmed and setting boundaries. Most importantly, set those boundaries without feeling guilty about it.

Setting boundaries without guilt starts with understanding and prioritizing your own needs. For example, if you're tired and don’t want to go out for dinner with friends to celebrate someone’s promotion, even if they keep insisting, it's okay to decline. Communicate clearly and directly, using "I" statements to express your limits, like: "Today I don’t feel like going out. I’m tired and want to stay in, watch a movie, and relax."

It's important to acknowledge that feeling guilty is normal because you might have disappointed your friends by not joining them. However, guilt can be a cue to repair any harm caused by your actions. In this case, you could call your friend the next day and explain that you're very happy for her promotion, but the previous day was unusually stressful, and you needed some time for yourself

“Saying no” requires practice. You can start small and build confidence. 

In a world where women are constantly expected to juggle multiple roles and meet impossible standards, the key to thriving lies in embracing our limits and setting boundaries without guilt. By recognizing our own needs and giving ourselves permission to say no, we can break free from the overwhelming pressures that society imposes on us. This isn’t just about surviving each day—it’s about reclaiming our power, nurturing our well-being, and creating a life that truly reflects our values. 

Remember, the strength to set boundaries is the strength to live authentically and fully. You deserve that balance, and you have the right to protect it.

As I always tell my family and friends: “I hate being in survival mode; I want to be in the thriving mode as much as I can”.

What excellence looks like:

• We set boundaries and say no without feeling guilty. We confidently communicate our needs and limits, and over time, our decisions are met with understanding and acceptance rather than judgment or pressure. 

• We thrive to foster personal relationships that are built on mutual respect, where boundaries are honored and open communication is the norm. That way we can feel empowered to prioritize our own health and happiness, knowing that doing so contributes to healthier, more balanced relationships and environments for everyone.

​​Food for Thought:

“Setting boundaries is about respecting yourself and others. It’s about valuing your own needs and not being afraid to assert them.” by Brené Brown

Resources:

How to say "no" without feeling guilty! - this podcast from Psicologia al Desnudo gives some practical tips on how to do that.