From Self-Aware to Self-Conscious: The Pendulum of Perception

Sit tight, here comes the story:

Lila’s husband had a challenging day at work. His boss had been demanding, and a critical project seemed to be unfolding. Exhausted and frustrated, he came home hoping to find some comfort in his wife's company. Lila, always full of energy and enthusiasm, greeted him with a bright smile.

"Hey, baby! How was your day?" she asked, setting the table for dinner.

He sighed heavily, "It was tough. My project hit a major obstacle, and my boss wasn't happy about it."

Lila's smile didn't fade. "You know what you should do? Tomorrow, go in there and show them your best work. Maybe start by re-evaluating your approach. Sometimes a fresh perspective can do wonders!"

He nodded, not very excited, not really wanting advice. He just needed to vent. "Yeah, maybe. It’s just been really stressful."

Lila continued, not noticing his lack of enthusiasm. "Stress is natural. You should try some breathing exercises I read about. They can really help you focus and relax."

His shoulders fell further. "I guess. It’s just been one thing after another."

Lila misinterpreted his tone and thought he was seeking more solutions. "Have you tried making a list of priorities? Sometimes organizing your tasks can make everything seem more manageable."

He felt his frustration rising. He didn’t need a plan or a list. He just needed Lila to listen. "Lila, I appreciate the advice, but I really just need to talk about my day."

Lila finally sensed the disconnect. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you just wanted to vent."

Her husband sighed, grateful for the slight shift. "Yeah, I just needed someone to listen. It's been rough."

Lila took his hand and squeezed it gently. "I'm here for you, love. Tell me everything."

As he talked, Lila realized that sometimes the best way to help someone wasn't by offering solutions, but by simply being there and listening. She promised herself to be more attuned to what he needed, recognizing that support often meant just lending an ear.

Let’s talk about this:

Having self-awareness is crucial in our personal and professional lives as it helps us understand our emotions, motivations, and behaviors, and how they affect those around us. In Lila’s story, her lack of self-awareness prevented her from recognizing what her husband needed. She defaulted to offering solutions rather than simply listening, not realizing that he just needed empathy.

How often do we project our insecurities and preferences onto others unintentionally? How frequently does a lack of awareness lead to unintended consequences?

For example, my mom has a deep love for crochet, a tradition from my great-grandmother. She enjoys making and giving away crocheted items, but not everyone appreciates these gifts. While this may not be problematic in casual settings, similar lack of awareness in a work environment can create discomfort. For instance, someone who frequently offers unsolicited opinions might alienate those who prefer to keep their personal lives private.

True awareness involves respecting others' preferences and boundaries rather than imposing our own. By fostering this awareness, we improve relationships and create a more harmonious environment.

Self-awareness also helps us recognize when our emotions—such as stress or frustration—might be driving our behavior, allowing us to respond more thoughtfully. I had a situation at work early in my career in the USA where a specific male colleague was dismissing my ideas for the project without offering alternatives. I didn't realize how much he was annoying me until I caught a glimpse of myself in the reflection of my computer screen and saw that I was as red as the shirt I was wearing. It wasn't until that visual cue that I became aware of my emotions and how close I was to exploding and telling this guy off. Without knowing better, I stormed out of the meeting room and headed to the bathroom to cry.

This action cost me weeks of scrutiny from other male colleagues who kept "joking around" that people shouldn’t piss me off because I could be like a pressure cooker and explode at any moment. They even said, “Nobody wants to see a Latina getting mad” – their words, not mine.

Since then, I’ve made a conscious effort to understand my triggers and grow from them. This has improved my communication, empathy, and conflict resolution skills, leading to stronger connections both at work and at home. I’ve learned that self-awareness is a journey, but excessive self-consciousness can hinder growth.

Balancing self-awareness and self-consciousness is key. Over-focus on how others perceive us can lead to anxiety and social discomfort. Early in my career, fear of judgment, particularly because of my broken English, prevented me from contributing ideas. Similarly, excessive self-monitoring in personal relationships suppressed my authenticity.

Let’s recognize the importance of self-awareness in achieving success. Understanding our emotions, strengths, and values is essential, but this awareness should not paralyze us. If you find yourself overly concerned with others' perceptions, experiencing anxiety, or focusing on perceived flaws, it might indicate that you’re leaning too far into self-consciousness.

By addressing these issues, we can maintain a healthy balance and foster a more positive, authentic, and successful personal and professional life.

What excellence looks like:

• We are aware of our own emotions, behaviors, and values while also recognizing when an increased focus on ourselves leads to self-consciousness and how this can negatively impact our personal growth.

​​Food for Thought:

“Self-awareness is not just about understanding your own mind and actions, but also about acknowledging how they impact others.” – Unknown

Resources:

Wish you were here - by Jodi Picoult. Jodi Picoult is my favorite fiction writer of all time. I admire how she combines entertainment with addressing controversial topics. Her characters dig deeply into emotional and psychological issues, prompting us to reflect on our own self-awareness and how we confront and understand our personal experiences and challenges. This specific book has a plot twist that you would never see coming. Highly recommend it!!!