Firm Hands, Soft Heart: Authentic Leadership

"Sit tight, here comes the story"

Lila’s first boss, Alex, held a significant role in their company when she joined five years ago. While he appeared confident and had authority as a manager, his leadership style hid a darker side marked by dishonesty and self-interest.

One morning, tensions rose during a team meeting due to pending deadlines and a growing workload. Lila was working as a project coordinator at that time. She spoke up tentatively, “Alex, I’m concerned about the unrealistic timelines for the new project. It’s putting a lot of pressure on the team.”

Alex’s smile didn’t quite reach his eyes as he dismissed Lila’s concerns with a wave of his hand. “Lila, we need to push boundaries to stay ahead in this competitive market. I expect everyone to step up and deliver on time,” he replied promptly, his tone ending the conversation.

The team exchanged uneasy glances but complied, fearing repercussions for speaking up against Alex’s directives. As the week progressed, stress levels rose, and morale fell as employees struggled to meet Alex’s impossible expectations.

In a one-on-one meeting with Pedro, Lila’s colleague, Alex made implicit threats about performance reviews and promotions. “Pedro, I’ve noticed some delays in your work. You need to prioritize this project if you want to advance in this company,” he remarked, his words carrying a subtle undertone of intimidation.

Pedro left the meeting feeling demoralized and overburdened, questioning his abilities despite his previous exemplary performance. Alex’s manipulative tactics planted seeds of doubt and fear among team members. The strong bond and trust within the team were gradually breaking down.

When confronted by employees about work-life balance and burnout concerns, Alex brushed them off, emphasizing results over well-being. “We’re here to meet goals and not to baby each other. Man up people! Those who can’t keep up might need to reconsider their place here,” he said coldly, not caring for the legitimate concerns.

The once vibrant and motivated team now operated in a climate of fear, where productivity came at the expense of mental and emotional well-being. Alex’ unauthentic leadership style prioritized personal gain over genuine concern for his team’s welfare. Alex’s short-term focus on results at any cost, lack of sincerity, transparency and not a true commitment to the growth and success of their team had created a toxic culture of fear and resentment, leading to a lack of trust and respect among team members. 

Let’s talk about this

Would you desire a boss like Alex? His leadership style may not be particularly appealing. However, if you were to ask him if he considers himself an authentic leader, he would likely answer with a resounding yes. His primary focus is on achieving results, and he has indeed delivered short-term successes. But at what cost?

Today, we'll be talking about “Authentic Leadership”. Demonstrating your true self at work, especially in leadership roles, can yield both positive and negative outcomes based on several factors. In some workplaces, being too open about personal matters might blur professional boundaries and cause discomfort. Colleagues could interpret authenticity as unprofessional, particularly if it involves emotional expressions (a perception that's often biased against women for being too emotional).

In competitive work environments, individuals might feel pressured to conform to specific expectations or behaviors to progress in their careers, creating a conflict with expressing their true selves. I recall my early career days in the US, joining a team primarily composed of White Americans who enjoyed frequent happy hours filled with jokes and drinking. While I tried to participate to bond with my peers, there was an implicit expectation to partake in heavy drinking and laugh at jokes that often targeted women. It became a conflict between “I want to belong” and “I can’t be myself in this environment that doesn’t foster respect for women”. 

I've heard stories from other women who, early in their leadership journeys, worked for companies that upheld certain stereotypes for leaders. The prevailing notion was that to be a strong and authentic leader, you needed to exude seriousness (even bordering on grumpiness), command respect, make tough decisions confidently, and employ top-down management styles. This was the norm they observed in their work environments. It reminds me of the story about the two fish: Two young fish are swimming along when they encounter an older fish swimming the other way. The older fish nods and says, "Morning, boys. How's the water?" The two young fish continue swimming until one asks the other, "What the heck is water?"

The anecdote underscores how we can be so immersed in something that it becomes invisible, much like water is to fish. It's a metaphor for not fully recognizing the environment or circumstances we're in because they're so familiar. These women felt compelled to mimic the behavior of those leaders if they wanted to progress in their careers. Even if that means to act against their own personality and values. It wasn't until a female leader, acting as a CEO, demonstrated her authentic self—showing care, passion for her purpose, consistent values, and leading with both her heart and head—that they began to notice the water they were swimming in.

An inauthentic leader frequently projects a false image of leadership, lacking genuine qualities or values. They may prioritize personal gain over the well-being of their team or organization, leading to a lack of trust and respect among team members. This type of leader may also display inconsistency in their actions and words, causing confusion and frustration within the team. They might shy away from taking responsibility for failures or mistakes, instead of blaming others or external factors. 

Authentic leaders, on the other hand, establish long term, meaningful relationships and have the self discipline to get results. They know who they are. 

Here are a few tips and examples from my own experience (as a leader and a follower), which I hope can serve as both aspirational and inspirational, highlighting the four main areas that I believe constitute authentic leadership:

Self awareness

We have to dedicate time and effort to get to know ourselves. Our values, our passions, our beliefs and interests. Self awareness lays the foundation for authentic leadership by promoting honesty, empathy, adaptability, and continuous improvement—all essential qualities for effective leadership in today's dynamic and diverse workplaces. This is not an “one time” deal. Getting to know ourselves is an everyday exercise.

When I transitioned to working in the corporate world in the US, I received feedback about being overly passionate. Initially, I viewed this as a positive trait because I believe in expressing enthusiasm for things I care about. However, it didn't take long for me to realize that this feedback carried a negative undertone. It required deep introspection and gathering specific feedback from others to understand that my passion sometimes came across as overpowering, especially when I interrupted others to share my opinion. In my culture (Brazil), such interactions are acceptable, but in the US, interrupting is often perceived as impolite and inattentive. This realization was a turning point for me. While I continue to demonstrate passion authentically, I now exercise extra awareness and refrain from interjecting until the other person has finished speaking.

Passion for purpose 

Authentic leaders don't just talk the talk; they walk the walk with style! They share their vision with passion, igniting enthusiasm and excellence in their teams. You can see their dedication in how they tackle challenges, seize growth opportunities, and stick to overall goals, inspiring purpose and motivation in everyone around.

In my role in Customer Experience, I'm a firm believer that happy employees make happy customers. So, my mission? Creating a stellar workplace, especially for our outsourced heroes! Every move I make is a step toward this purpose-driven leadership style. After all, a sprinkle of purpose makes every workday more delightful!

Practice values consistently

My core values in the workplace, in a nutshell, are building strong relationships, fostering a positive work culture, and driving meaningful results. If you've ever crossed paths with me, I hope you've seen these values displayed. I don't always get it right because, as a leader, sometimes we need to make tough decisions that might go against our values. For example, once I had to lay off 12 people in a single day. For someone who thrives on creating an environment where people can grow and develop, cutting off their dreams was definitely not in line with my values. However, it was the right move for the business at the time, and I was committed to achieving results. I confess that it was a very tough day for me, and it still gives me chills when I think of it. 

Lead with firm hands and a soft heart

Leading with a firm hand means being decisive, assertive, and confident in our leadership decisions. However, this must be balanced with compassion, empathy, and understanding towards others (a soft heart). We can exhibit strength and assertiveness when necessary while also being kind, caring, and considerate in our leadership approach.

In a previous team where I was often surrounded by male colleagues, I frequently received feedback that I was “too soft” with people. However, I believe they confused my kindness with a lack of rudeness, which I never exhibited towards coworkers or those in lower positions. Despite facing situations where I needed to apologize on others' behalf (due to someone's rudeness causing distress), I am proud of my “softness” because it has earned me respect, loyalty, dedication, integrity and valuable friendships.

An authentic leadership style for me combines having hard hands, one that uses data-driven decision-making and has a relentless focus on achieving measurable results, and a soft heart, a leader that empowers her employees, she is empathetic, approachable, and fosters a collaborative environment where everyone’s voice matters. A leader whose actions speaks volumes about her commitment to both professional excellence and employee well-being.

​​What excellence looks like:

• We have the courage to speak up when we see an “unauthentic leader” not “walking the talk”

• We are genuine and transparent with our colleagues, teams, and managers which will help us to build trust and have an environment where everyone thrives.

• We know our work environment, we understand the workplace culture, norms, and expectations regarding authenticity and we are able to gauge whether or not that goes hand in hand with your own authentic self.

• We encourage authenticity in others by leading by example, modeling respectful and transparent behavior.

​​Food for Thought:

"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." by Maya Angelou 

Call for action:

• Embrace authenticity in leadership! Lead with integrity, empathy, and purpose. Inspire others by being true to yourself and your values. Together, let's create environments where everyone can thrive and succeed.

Resources:

• Dare to lead - Brene Brown emphasizes the importance of embracing vulnerability, courage, and empathy in leadership. It encourages leaders to cultivate trust, foster connections, and lead with authenticity to create resilient and high-performing teams.