"I am a fraud!"

Intro

"Sit tight, here comes the story"

Lila had been working hard for a promotion. Her performance had been stellar and consistent and even though she felt ready to take on more responsibilities, there was a loud voice in her head saying: “Any day now they will realize what a mistake it will be for them to consider me for the promotion!”.

The last time Lila went for a promotion, her female manager dropped the bombshell that she lacked enough experience managing people. Lila couldn’t help but disagree! Sure, she didn’t have direct reports, but she had been leading the charge on projects and wowing clients left and right. Anyways, she convinced herself that her boss knew better. Lila was avoiding being unmasked for her “fraudulent behaviors” by dodging that promotion. 

All the high regards other people showed her, her impeccable track record of high performing sales and amazing stakeholder management skills was not enough to get Lila to believe that she not only deserved the promotion, but she also would be able to provide an even bigger impact for the company’s revenue. 

So, Lila succumbed to her internal chatter: “I am not ready!”, “I should wait a few more years and try again”, “Look at Manuel, he is so ready for the promotion. He is so confident in the meetings”, “I am already a bundle of nerves, imagine with bigger responsibilities? That will be too much for me”. “I don’t belong in the leadership team”, “Let’s be honest, I kind of feel like a fraud. Come on, how did I even get here? I am lucky to be where I am right now. I should be happy and grateful for it”.

And with that, she let the opportunity slide right on by, opting not to even throw her hat in the ring for the promotion. Looks like her inner struggle won this round!"

Let's talk about this:

Imagine if Lila were your friend. Would you speak to her that way? Probably not. You'd likely show her compassion and kindness. But have you ever talked to yourself like that? Have you shown yourself compassion? Most likely, just like Lila (and myself), you've experienced Imposter Syndrome at some point. Maybe when going for a promotion ("I'm not good enough!"), when finding out you're pregnant ("I'm not ready to be a mom, I can't even keep a plant alive!"), landing an awesome job ("I'm here by accident, they must have picked me by mistake"), or starting a Master's degree ("I don't know as much as I should to be here").

Imposter Syndrome occurs when we feel like frauds, experiencing feelings of incompetence and a lack of confidence. It often manifests as anxiety, insecurity, and an inability to appreciate our own successes. Despite objective evidence of high performance, individuals with Imposter Syndrome may still feel anxious and struggle to internalize their achievements.

There are many reasons why Imposter Syndrome may be present in your life: your family environment (pride is connected to achievements), social pressures (high pressure environments or abusive people in your life), sense of belonging (you feel different from others or you feel excluded) and personality (you internalize feelings of pressure, doubt and failure).

The inner chatter can sabotage us. The saboteur's voice inside our brains can make us believe that we are a fraud. How do we silence the saboteurs in our head? 

• Recognize that our inner critic often shows up in our thoughts when we get a big opportunity

• Do not ignore your emotions; tame them by acknowledging their presence

• Get out of your head (stop the rumination) and get into possible steps (get rational and objective on your track record). A few techniques for you to try:

• Self-distance conversation, for instance, me talking to myself: “Luciane, you can do this blog!” - this technique creates emotional distance from one's own experiences during self-reflection

• Imagine yourself giving advice to a friend (being you, the friend)

• Write down your thoughts and feelings - write as you are the narrator of your story. This will help you understand what you thought during the moment the Imposter Syndrome kicked out and help you feel better

• Have someone to talk to - it takes vulnerability to acknowledge you feel this way, but people can give you perspective and help you get more objective. The conversation can help to normalize your own experience

• Be kind to yourself! Practice self-compassion

Another crucial aspect of avoiding the Imposter Syndrome is to build your confidence. And how do I do that? 

I firmly believe in the power of our own experiences. Throughout the years, I've come to cherish my relentless drive to learn and evolve. I refuse to let my mistakes shape my identity; instead, I use them as stepping stones for growth. Continuously seeking out new knowledge and experiences has become my mantra. It is important to filter the info you are getting by asking yourself, is this filling my ego or fueling my growth? By being proactive and growth oriented, I accumulate knowledge and experiences and those help me to build confidence and shape my journey.

I heard Adam Grant, my favorite Organizational Psychologist saying that “the more you grow, the better you know which of your flaws are acceptable”. This knowledge is gold. It is not only about being confident about what you know, but also being confident to acknowledge and recognize what you don’t know. 

Even when you feel confident and competent, Imposter Syndrome may not completely disappear. But the more you give yourself compassion, the better you will be able to manage self-doubt.

How excellence looks like:

• When we attribute our success to our actions and performance and not to external factors - Let’s not sabotage our own success!

• We set realistic expectations for ourselves and live up to them

• We are confident and clear on what we can and can’t do

• Imposter Syndrome may exist but it shouldn’t rule us and prevent us to move forward and upwards

Food for Thought:

• Imposter Syndrome can happen at work but also at home. Getting introspective helps with developing self-awareness and will help us to identify our feelings more easily.

•  “I know my capacity, the more I honor that, the more I emotionally rest” by Alex Elle.

Call for action:

• Today, be curious about your emotions - for example, if a colleague tells you that you are doing amazing at work and you get embarrassed and find yourself questioning if the colleague is being sincere. Ask yourself: “Why am I embarrassed? Why am I questioning my colleague's sincerity?

• Be a champion of your own success! Pay attention to what you are doing and feeling during the times that you feel most successful. 

Resources:

• Chatter by Ethan Kross - how to reduce your internal chatter and transform our inner critic self into our biggest ally. The book presents practical tools for you to reduce the chatter. 

• Positive Intelligence Test - this test the types of saboteurs (the voices in your head) that generate negative emotions in the way you handle life’s everyday challenges

• Imposter Syndrome - this is a comprehensive article about Imposter Syndrome.

• The tale of the two brains - this is the speech I mentioned in the video (of course, he is much funnier and entertaining)

• The greatest night in Pop  - Bob Dylan is one of the greatest songwriters ever and in this documentary when is his time to record, I feel that some self-doubt (possible Imposter Syndrome) kicked in - I don’t blame him - so many amazing artists in the same room was definitely intimidating to anyone.

• Alex Elle - I got to know her through Headspace and I love to hear her talking about self-care and self-love.

Art by Lara Carrillo