The Art of Being a “Bad Feminist” and “Bad Inclusion Champion”

Sit tight, here comes the story:

Lila had only been in her new role for three months when James, a white male and the VP of her department, traveled with her to Mexico to observe how she was managing the relationship with their new client. As a Latina still navigating the American corporate environment, Lila had prepared herself to be direct and concise when communicating with James. She wanted to prioritize clarity and efficiency, avoiding the more elaborate explanations typical of Latino communication styles. The consistent feedback from her American colleagues had started to affect her confidence, prompting her to read extensively about cultural differences.

Latinas often express emotions openly—showing enthusiasm, affection, and assertiveness—which can sometimes be misunderstood in workplace settings. While in Mexico, surrounded by her cultural environment, Lila felt the need to adapt to the local customs. Her days with the client were filled with warm hugs and passionate conversations. Yet, whenever James was present, she consciously shifted her style to be more concise and direct. Though it required significant mental energy to balance between these communication approaches, she felt she was doing a good job managing both.

Until the last day, when she was debriefing the visit with James and he told her: “I think you need to be promoted to a manager position. You are really good at what you do”. Lila was beaming with the unexpected compliment and possible promotion. 

“Wow, I didn’t see this coming. Thank you!” Lila continued: “Is there any feedback for me as for areas I need to improve?”. Her Imposter Syndrome always insists on kicking uninvited. Why not savor the moment? 

“Well, my only feedback is - stop hugging and kissing everyone”, James said with a firm voice and serious face. 

At first, Lila felt extremely uncomfortable, unsure of how to interpret the feedback. Was he suggesting she was being overly personal? Was she coming across as too friendly? For a brief moment, her inner critic convinced her to simply accept the feedback and adjust. But after a few seconds that seemed to stretch into an eternity, her "inclusion advocate" instinct kicked in. She concluded the conversation with confidence:

"James, I appreciate your feedback and I'm always open to self-improvement. However, if you want me to make our business successful in Latin America, I have to keep greeting people with hugs and kisses. It's part of the culture, and not doing so would make me seem aloof, like I’ve abandoned my roots since moving to the U.S. Without that cultural connection, I wouldn’t earn their trust."

Lila received the promotion and successfully grew the business in Latin America. However, for years afterward, while working with her American colleagues, she felt pressured to tone down her natural style, trying to conform to their more reserved approach. Over time, she began to lose the spark that had made her so effective, leaving her feeling disconnected.

Today, Lila confidently embraces her natural enthusiasm and passion. She’s come to realize that her "Latina way" of doing things isn’t a flaw but a valuable asset.

Let’s talk about this:

I recently finished reading Bad Feminist by Roxane Gay and was deeply inspired by her remarkable courage to address sensitive and often uncomfortable topics with a bold and fearless voice. Gay tackles issues like race, gender, and privilege, while also confronting her own contradictions and imperfections. She fearlessly explores the complexities of being a feminist in a flawed world, admitting her love for things that don’t always align with feminist ideals—hence the title of her book, Bad Feminist.

As Gay puts it, “I openly embrace the label of bad feminist. I do so because I am flawed and human. I am not well-versed in feminist history. I am not as well-read in key feminist texts as I would like to be… I cannot tell you how freeing it has been to accept this about myself.”

Reading this was indeed freeing and relatable. When I write stories that I hope represent the lives of many women, I often feel like I’m stepping on eggshells, afraid that I’m not “knowledgeable enough” to portray myself as a good feminist (a classic perfectionist in recovery struggle). Gay’s book opened a whole new world for me and gave me the courage to call myself not only a Bad Feminist but also a Bad Inclusion Champion.

Since childhood, I’ve advocated for those less privileged in all aspects of life—race, gender identity, social status, age, etc. Moving to the U.S. only intensified my passion for cultural differences and speaking up for those who can’t or don’t have the courage to do so. However, I often felt that the books and articles I read weren’t enough to boost my confidence in pushing my message forward. Until I encountered Roxane Gay’s ideas and her directness in confronting uncomfortable truths.

The situation Lila faced this week mirrors a milestone in my early career in America, marking a turning point in my journey as an inclusion advocate. After that experience, I began to highlight scenarios where cultural differences were overlooked, further fueling my passion as a cultural bridge-builder—someone who connects people from diverse backgrounds and fosters understanding and collaboration.

Although I’ve never held a formal role in DEI (Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion), I’ve actively worked for years to create a more inclusive and supportive environment through my actions, influence, and support of others. Working with global teams, it’s crucial for me to stand up for underrepresented or marginalized individuals. During the pandemic, as we transitioned to virtual meetings, I celebrated how shy or introverted individuals could finally speak up using virtual hand-raising—a tool they didn’t have in in-person meetings where extroverted voices often dominated.

Living in Silicon Valley, California, I am privileged to be in a diverse environment. My children have been exposed to various cultures from an early age, which allows us to continue promoting diversity in both professional and social settings.

As I reflect on my journey and the lessons learned from Bad Feminist, I am reminded of the power of embracing imperfections and finding strength in our authentic selves. Roxane Gay’s courageous exploration of sensitive topics has been a lighthouse for me, illuminating the path to genuine inclusion and self-acceptance. It’s clear that being a “bad” feminist or a “bad” inclusion advocate doesn’t diminish our efforts; rather, it enriches our contributions by grounding them in real, lived experiences.

In a world that often demands us to adhere to a set of norms or standards, finding the courage to be true to ourselves and stand up for others is an ongoing journey. The stories of women like Lila and the challenges we face in bridging cultural gaps remind us that resilience and authenticity are powerful allies. As I continue to navigate my own path, I am committed to fostering inclusivity, not through perfection, but through empathy, understanding, and unwavering support.

Let’s not wait to be the “Good Feminist” or the “Good Inclusion Champion”, let’s all embrace our imperfect journeys and use our unique voices to drive positive change. By doing so, we contribute to a more inclusive and compassionate world, one where our differences are celebrated, and our experiences bring us closer together. 

Here’s to celebrating the imperfect, the bold, and the genuine. Let’s keep moving forward, supporting each other, and making a meaningful impact in both our personal and professional lives.

Let’s take the first step:

• Champion diverse voices by actively seeking out and amplifying the perspectives of women and underrepresented groups. Encourage their participation in meetings and decision-making processes to ensure their voices are heard and valued.
• Educate and advocate by promoting awareness of gender biases and cross cultural understanding. Encourage team members to share their cultural backgrounds and experiences to foster mutual respect and understanding.
• Mentor and empower women from diverse cultural backgrounds. Provide opportunities for professional development, advocate for their advancement, and ensure they have a seat at the table in leadership and strategic discussions.

Resources:

• Bad Feminist by Roxane Gay

• The Culture Map by Erin Meyer -This is the best book for anyone working with global teams. I promise your work life will change after reading it. You'll gain insight into misunderstandings, conflicts, and negative feelings that often arise from feedback sessions. With practical examples, you'll feel empowered to explore new approaches for success when collaborating with people from diverse backgrounds around the world.